Being anonymous 

I’ve been looking at a video blog on YouTube by a gay man who lives a few miles away from me. I don’t know him, he’s a complete stranger and I’ve no idea how I came across his channel but he posts most days and I find it interesting.

He talks about nothing, in fact it’s a sort of visual version of this blog. Sometimes it’s boring, sometimes it’s worth looking at.

In some ways I’d like to have a go at doing one for myself, but I just couldn’t bring myself to show my face. In fact I have a similar problem with dating websites. Id like to be able to stick my ugly mug photo on a profile to see if anyone will be interested but I don’t want anyone I know seeing me. It’s a ridiculous thing to worry about but I feel friends, family and work colleagues would just laugh at me. I like being anonymous on the web. It allows me to talk more openly about Things I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) talk to friends about.

When they talk about anonymity on the World Wide Web they seem to suggest it’s all about criminal activity or terrorism. Sometimes it just allows freedom of expression to people who don’t wanna shout it from the rooftops.

1st post in a while

The problem with blogging is that when you have time to write something it usually means that nothing is happening in your life. The most exciting thing I did this weekend was to get the power washer out and clean my patio.

It’s all a bit pathetic really, but that’s my life nowadays. What happened to those weekends where I staggered in an out of pubs, laughing, having fun and making a fool of myself ?.

What about those dodgy nights in Manchester meeting strangers for dangerous liaisons back at their place?.

A bloody patio wash?. Is this what it’s come to?. And to make things worse I still woke up the next morning feel like death. Aching body all over, just because I’ve done some form of exercise that I’m not used to.

Welcome to my wonderful word of boredom.

There is no such thing as Bisexual ?

Interesting article in the paper today about celebrities coming out. Or should I say telling the world what percentage they are gay. Not bisexual of course because as we all know you are either straight or gay, there is no in between.

For some reason all these guys seem to have a bigger problem telling the world they are actually Bisexual than they are saying they are “part gay”. Gay seems to be fine. Straight seems ok. But Bisexual? No way.


Bye Bi Bowie

Woke up this morning to the news that David Bowie has died. As always when there is a major news story it becomes hypnotic watching and listening to the same thing being said and played over and over again. Flicking from one news website to another I was also reading the same thing over and over again as well. It had only just been announced 15 minutes previous so was still “breaking news”. Which means they need to pad out the bulletin by reading out things written on Twitter by Z list celebs, most of which David Bowie would never have heard of or, if he had, would have probably hated.

I always thought of Bowie as one of the first openly Bisexual men I had heard of. At a time when I was still trying to work out whether I was gay or straight the idea of bisexuality just passed me by. He was the person that planted the seed in my head. Even though it was years later before anything clicked for me. However I was disappointed to read that he didn't consider himself to be bisexual. Saying he was just a closet heterosexual who was hiding behind an image put out by his record company. Although I'm not convinced by that.

The fact that it all seemed to have come out of the blue and he wasnt really that old made it all the more shocking. From a personal point of view it just made me feel old myself. I have memories of listening to my older brothers Bowie albums as a kid and then buying the Scary monsters album myself when he became more relevant to me. Even the time he went all crap (as far as I am concerned) and formed Tin Machine has memories. I worked in a record shop back then and I remember the rep from the record company trying to sell the single to us. They were trying to sell it to us as if he were God. We were buying it as if he were a has been. Everyone in the shop thought it was crap. “Only the fans will buy it” was the consensus. And they did. Just because you have produced some of the greatest records ever made doesn't mean it's all gonna be good. For what it's worth I don't mind some Tin Machine now.

By the end of the day there were special programs on TV about him and as usual the over the top outbursts of public grief. Fans crying, holding candles, gathering around pictures of him, making little shrines with flowers. Holding hands and singing, whilst telling reporters how much he changed their lives. One woman dressed as Ziggy Stardust and stood in front of a Mural having her picture taken. The cynic in me wondered how many of these people were real fans.

I did love a lot of what he did, my iPhone is full of Bowie tracks. And I've got a loft full of his Vinyl singles and Albums. But by the end of the day all I could feel was, Another happy memory from my youth dies and I've just taken another step closer to the grave. I know that's a really selfish thing to say but if we are honest the sadness we feel when someone dies is probably more wrapped up in how it affects ourselves than the one who has died. And the more it effect our everyday life the more upsetting it is. When one of my friends died I was devastated, I saw him every day, we went drinking together we laughed together, I had known him since school. His death changed all that in a second. A piece of my history went with him. Conversations and experiences that only me and him had were wiped away in a flash. Small things that only we laughed at had suddenly gone. I had no one to call, even going out for a drink was different. But when my other friend died it wasn't the same. He had moved away a few years previous. So after the funeral nothing really changed. I always remember him, and I was really upset, but it's as if he's still alive somewhere in the world. I'd sort of gotten over losing him a few years previously when he moved away. He hadn't died then so it wasn't upsetting. Now I was supposed to be upset It didn't really hit me that hard because my life didn't change as much the next day.

We all die one day. I'm not scared of death, I'm just scared of dying.

This is the Bowie I remember


Latest techno – Pen & Paper

I've always loved technology. I've got a iPhone, iPad & Smart TV. I've got a weather station and a HD IP home security camera that I can view away from my property via an app on my phone. I've got a in car Go pro cam to capture footage of me being thrown through the windscreen should I have a crash. Even my toothbrush has 4 different settings and interchangeable heads. All I need now is one of those Japanese toilets that wash your bum after having a poo.

But since returning to work this new year I have discovered a fantastic new gadget I would like to share with you. I work in an office and have been using all manor of apps for taking notes, logging projects, calculating data and Communicating information with others. All my colleagues are the same and we collate notes and forward them to each other in such an efficient manner I didn't think anything could be simpler than turning on, typing up, copy and pasting, add contact, send, print and distribute.

But no. Look at this little baby.

It's called a pen. And in conjunction with a piece of paper (available from that little draw at the Side of the printer) you can actually write things manually.

Ok, it's not that simple I know. You need to know which way up to hold it up for starters, the battery compartments is difficult to find (still don't know where it is to be honest) and there is no off button either. but if you aim it in the right direction and fiddle with it a bit you'll be surprised how useful it can be.

In conjunction with a desk diary I've somehow managed to cut my workload in half this week. Just scribbling things and ticking them off as I work my way through jobs seems so much easier than reminder and to do apps for my phone.

What the hell was I doing? I've gone too far with the techno haven't I? You don't actually realise sometimes that you are making things harder for yourself with gadgets. (Microwaves excluded of course, Chicken stew in 3 minutes Vs 45 mins in the oven? What's that all about?)

All I need to do now is learn to write again. I'm finding it difficult to read my own writing sometimes. I wrote a telephone number down this morning and when I read it back I thought It said sausage. And my thumb and index finger were aching after scribbling a long letter to someone today. My wrists just can't take it.

I predict in 100 years from now humans won't be able to hold pens any more. Their hands will be the shape of some kind of electric socket and we will only be able to plug ourselves into things.